I believe everyone must know someone with whom it is almost impossible to get along.  It’s even more difficult when you have to work alongside that person.  This isn’t just a post about dealing with difficult people, but one particular type of difficult person – the fellow Christian.  What do you do when a brother or sister in Christ not only refuses even basic courtesies, but may even be openly hostile toward you because of disagreements about matters of faith and practice?

This has been on my mind quite a bit recently as I have encountered this exact situation in my life.  I’m not going to name the person or give much detail about the situation.  However, I will briefly describe what I’ve encountered to provide an idea of the situation that is framing my interest in this topic.

There is a person with whom I interact on a regular basis who has treated me terribly since shortly after we met.  We met through work and quickly learned that we were both Christians and very involved at our respective churches.  That may be where our similarities end, or to put it another way…where our differences began.  This person comes from a fundamental, independent baptist background – the same sort of church I grew up in.  At the time we met, I had just completed my M.Div. from a Southern Baptist Seminary and had been ordained in a Southern Baptist church.  He seemed to have an axe to grind with Southern Baptists.  During our very first conversation he immediately began to shift the topic toward areas which he thought we would disagree on, seemingly just for the sake of argument.  Wanting to show off my shiny new seminary education, I pridefully let him suck me into debate.

I’m sure that there is a time and a place for discussing the legitimacy or illegitimacy of different translations of Scripture, appropriate worship styles or whether women should wear pants to church.  Seriously, I’ve heard that last one more times than I’d care to think about.  The first time you meet a fellow Christian is not the time for such discussions.  I’m no stranger to this confrontational attitude among some of our independent fundamental brethren.  It seems to be a very pervasive and not just directed at Southern Baptists, but any church or denomination that doesn’t declare itself fundamental.  Were it merely disagreement, there would be little to mention in this post.  This goes beyond mere disagreement into something else.  This person has since treated me terribly.  He has been dismissive and condescending at best and openly hostile at worst – all presumably over our disagreements in the faith.  So, how do we deal with our fellow Christians in a situation like this?

I came across a short podcast of Discover the Word on the topic, how to respond to biblical disagreements.  One of the panelists in the podcast provided this insight into the attitude behind many Christian disagreements:

Our tendency is to believe that the other person who disagrees with us is unspiritual and therefore, we are attributing a difference of opinion to a difference in our relationship with God.

I believe this podcaster hit the nail on the head with that statement.  It seems to me that we need to be very careful in making assumptions about others’ spiritual condition based on our disagreements with them.  After all, there is the possibility that we may be wrong.  Especially in matters of Christian practice to which the bible doesn’t directly address or areas that are open to interpretation.  The podcast referenced a quote by church father Augustine in which he said,

In essentials, unity; in nonessentials, liberty; and in all things, charity.

There is excellent counsel in that quote. There are certainly areas (essentials) of the faith in which we must stand firm.  It doesn’t seem as if these are the topics that we disagree on though.  It seems as if most disagreements are over nonessential matters – matters, not of faith, but of practice.  Our attitude is perhaps the most important aspect of handling christian disagreements.  We cannot control how the other person responds to us, but we can respond toward them with an attitude of charity.

I believe that this is what the Apostle Paul had in mind when he wrote:

1Co 8:1-13  Now as touching things offered unto idols, we know that we all have knowledge. Knowledge puffeth up, but charity edifieth.  (2)  And if any man think that he knoweth any thing, he knoweth nothing yet as he ought to know.  (3)  But if any man love God, the same is known of him.  (4)  As concerning therefore the eating of those things that are offered in sacrifice unto idols, we know that an idol is nothing in the world, and that there is none other God but one.  (5)  For though there be that are called gods, whether in heaven or in earth, (as there be gods many, and lords many,)  (6)  But to us there is but one God, the Father, of whom are all things, and we in him; and one Lord Jesus Christ, by whom are all things, and we by him.  (7)  Howbeit there is not in every man that knowledge: for some with conscience of the idol unto this hour eat it as a thing offered unto an idol; and their conscience being weak is defiled.  (8)  But meat commendeth us not to God: for neither, if we eat, are we the better; neither, if we eat not, are we the worse.  (9)  But take heed lest by any means this liberty of yours become a stumblingblock to them that are weak.  (10)  For if any man see thee which hast knowledge sit at meat in the idol’s temple, shall not the conscience of him which is weak be emboldened to eat those things which are offered to idols;  (11)  And through thy knowledge shall the weak brother perish, for whom Christ died?  (12)  But when ye sin so against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, ye sin against Christ.  (13)  Wherefore, if meat make my brother to offend, I will eat no flesh while the world standeth, lest I make my brother to offend.

While we may not now argue over meat offered to idols, certainly similarities can be found in other areas of our christian lives or worship.  I believe that this type of situation is what Augustine had in mind.  The point is that we approach these disagreements with humility and love.  As I have grown in Christ, I have developed a disdain for arguments between brethren over nonessentials.   There are much more important issues on which to spend our time and energy.  Let us keep our focus on proclaiming the Gospel of Christ and being a witness for Him with the way we conduct ourselves…especially when confronted with difficult or disagreable people.

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